A few evenings ago, I opened up iBooks on my phone and read for a bit before rolling over and going to sleep. I’ve been thinking about and processing through what I read the last couple days.
What I read was an article on "going the extra mile" with someone in our life. This isn’t a new concept at all, but the author brought out some points that I’d not really thought of in conjunction to going the extra mile.
She brought codependency into it. She wasn’t against going the extra mile; she was encouraging it.
She was, however, challenging the motive behind our going the extra mile.
Here are the 3 points that I have been chewing on-
- I am codependent when I work on your goals more than you work on your goals.
- I am codependent when I do something for you because it makes me feel great, not because you will feel great.
- I am codependent when I go the extra mile for you and then passive-aggressively complain about it.*
This could apply to my relationship with my hubby, my kiddos, friends, people I mentor…pretty much any relationship.
When I am going the extra mile, my goal is to come alongside someone to truly help and empower them. I will expect nothing in return. I have a pure heart and am only helping for the best of the other person.
When I am codependent, I help for the feeling I get, for the affirmation I want, for the "fix" of having to be needed.
To sum it up, when I am going the extra mile, it’s all about the other person. When I am codependent, it’s all about me.
Selfishness vs. unselfishness.
Codependency vs. serving.
It’s all about me vs. it’s all about you.
I’m challenged to evaluate my motives. I don’t think it’s too crazy to say that most times people can probably feel the motive behind why I’m doing what I’m doing for them.
Do they feel valued and affirmed?
Do they feel taken advantage of and overlooked?
Jesus always served with a true servant’s heart, never from a place of needing to feel valued, worthy, needed.
He knew Who He was.
Who am I?
Do I know, or am I trying to find value in myself by "going the extra mile"?
*The book I’m reading is #BeMore by Sandi Krakowski.